by marc

Januar 23, 2014

Mann mit schwarzem T-Shirt über dem Kopf
Insanity
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14347196@N00/394867154

It‘ about time to give the Product Owner a chance to fight back. With the help of Heiko Weltin I created a list as a base for the revenge. I hope you’ll like it:

  1. Create your product backlog without any prioritization. In the end you need all of the features before you can bring the product to the market.
  2. Only create the headline of your user stories and don’t add any additional content, even if the team asks. You can’t prepare everything for the team.
  3. Only use two types of priorities: „Urgent“ and „Can be done later“. Anything else would be a waste of time.
  4. Always promise release dates and scope to your customer without talking to your development team upfront. You are a skilled estimator.
  5. Always add one task to a user story that keeps the team from finishing it. The Definition Of Ready (DOR) is for wimps.
  6. Insist in long running sprints of at least four weeks. If the team has more time, more features can be done.
  7. Only prepare as many stories as needed to finalize half of the sprint. The rest of the time it is the task of the developers alone to clarify the rest of the stories.
  8. Only meet once a week with the team and keep this meeting as short as possible. You don’t want to hang out with those sissies.
  9. Always answer your phone during any team meeting. Don’t leave the room as the team shouldn’t be able to continue the discussion without you.
  10. Never attend the daily scrum. Instead, talk to single developers afterwards. This makes it easier to build pressure on them.

What do you think? Do you have some additions to this list? Feel free to add them in the comments.

About the author 

marc

Marc Löffler ist selbständiger Agile Coach, Autor und Keynote-Speaker. Er befasst sich leidenschaftlich mit agilen Managementmethoden. Bevor er mit agilen Methoden in Berührung gekommen ist, hat er als zertifizierter Projektmanager bei Firmen wie Volkswagen, Siemens und EADS gearbeitet. Mit Begeisterung hilft er Unternehmen dabei, agile Werte zu verstehen und zu leben. Er liebt es, neue Einsichten zu generieren, und unterstützt Teams dabei, Probleme aus anderen Blickwinkeln zu betrachten. Seit September 2018 ist er zertifizierter Professional Speaker GSA (SHB) mit der besten Keynote seines Jahrgangs. Im Jahr 2014 erschien sein Buch „Retrospektiven in der Praxis“ beim dpunkt.verlag. Im Jahr 2018 folgte das Buch „Improving Agile Retrospectives“ bei Addison Wesley.

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